i've been made promises which have never happened. i am tired of this. i am tired of life. i am almost happy that i will die.

anyway, there is no longer 2 matt's in my life. i have narrowed it down to one as you can see. it is the fish lips matt. the other matt i think doesn't even want to try to get a hold of me.... really....

anyway, my fish lips matt, who wont even been called fish lips anymore has caught my eye not only once, but millions of times. i think i have fallen for him. really... maybe i fall for people too easily. maybe that is why my life is all to pot.

so, as i look back on what matt has done for me, he has done a shit load. not only does he come over everytime when i ask him to (keep in mind that he lives over 90 miles away), but he helps me shower, clean, he helps me do my hair, he pushes my wheel chair when i use one. when i miss school he get my work and comes right to my house or the hospital room, which ever one i am at, and helps me with all my homework. how lovely.

he told me a long time ago he had fallen in love with me. he loved the way i looked, he loved my accent, he loved my hair, he loved my personality, he loved my attitude, he loved my bitchyness.... everything.

why can't love be so easy.

he has shown me that no matter what, he loves me.

even when i am in a bad mood when i come home from the hospital, he still loves me. he has been around even since i started school.

i know what you think when i say that he has helped me showered. in my bathroom, there is a couch. my shower can fit ten people in it. my bathroom is huge. anyway, there are times when i am too weak to stand up. he doesn't care if he has nice clothing on, he will stand in the shower holding me up. and he doesn't even look at my boobs or anything.

this is someone who looks at my eyes and not my boobs. this is rare.

there are times when i get tired lifting up my arms. i ask him to do my hair, and he will do it. i don't care how he does it! even though it may be really messy, he still does it. it is good enough to keep it out of my face.... really....

when i come home from the hospital every time, he is there. he is there when i am taken to the hospital. he was there yesterday when i was rushed to the hospital. i was having a lot of difficulty breathing.

this person is wonderful. i dont think that i have ever met someone of such sort. are there really these types of guys out there?!?!?!?! do they really talk to you and not your boobs? do they really not try to get into bed with you everytime they see you?

i think i have found a match....

even if i am supposively "engaged" i sure don't feel it. i really dont.

so therefore, i am not.

so, matt took me out to a romantic dinner 3 days ago. it was lovely. he pulled my seat out for me. he was dressed in a nice tuxedo. i was in a pair of blue jeans and a zeppelin shirt. any he didn't care how i was dressed. he said i deserved it.

plus, he saved his whole pay check just to take me out. i told him a nice dinner at ihop would have been better. but he said nothing can prevent him from doing something for me.

during this dinner, i felt sorry that we weren't dating any earlier.

i am sure that this is one guy my mother would want me to bring home. i miss her, and i wish i knew matt before.

i am confused on what i should get, the old matt, or the new matt?

i still like the old matt. he was a wonderful guy, but, i think he just liked the idea of having an english girlfriend.

even though the new matt likes my accent, he said he could care less where i came from. he fell in love with a person. not a rich, english, bitchy person. but a person. just an everyday, different person. he likes my intention of always being different. i like how he stuck with me all this time.

past or present

New Years - 2007-01-02
Halloween - 2006-10-30
She has definately has some sort of impact - 2006-09-25
Her very last entry... This is my very first... - 2006-09-19
My goodbye - 2006-05-03
">i like.... - 2004.10.21

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