i often stop the think about my mother. this isn't going to be a sappy journal at all. i promise. i want to try something new called happiness of someones death.

my mother was the most wonderful person in the world. she took care of me well. she peirced every piercing that i have today. don't think it is gross! she was my mother! she has what i have! I felt confortable with her doing it anyway. and yes, i had everything possible pierced. i took out quite a gew. i took out one of my lip piercings. i don't know how to explain it where they were except they were on the bottom like and were to the side of each lip. anyway, i took out one because the other one just bothered me. i took that one out about a 6 months ago. i took out some of the ear piercings. so, i only have 10 on each ear now. i had 12. i still keep my ears gauged on the lobe. they are 2's now. i don't think i will let them get any bigger! i took out the bridge. and the bull piercing i took out. anything else you can think of, i have pierced. rather lovely isn't it.

anyway, mum was a woman of colour! you should have seen our flat back in england. she styled the whole thing and made it looked wonderful.

i often think if things would change if she was living today. we certainly wouldn't be in AMERICA. she liked it here when we visited once, but, she would rather us live in SPAIN. that is where her ashes were spread. i wouldn't have met the fine, and lovely mates that i have today.

i think if mum was here, i wouldn't be independant. well, not as independant as now. she wouldn't have let me experience heart break and love. anytime that someone broke my heart, she would wash it away.

i wouldn't be a fighter of my health. i probably wouldn't even have leukemia! But, I am glad that i am experiencing this all. it is keeping me busy. and i like shoving it in the doctors faces that i am still living. i feel better than what i used to. sometimes i can live a day without steroids!

anyway. i do miss mum. i love her very much still. if it werent for her and daddy, there wouldn't be a me today. im very greatful for them both. and i hope see mum again someday. i am saddened about the way mum died. but, i am happy to see that she passed because she wouldn't see all the bad things in the world today. i hope she is happy. she must be best friends with freddie mercury whenever i get to wherever she is.

she would be happy with trent. she would probably want to have him for herself. she would be happy that i found someone that makes me happy.

trent and i did talk. things are going great.

i am loving for my mum. i am keeping people happy for mymum. and i am living for mum.

past or present

New Years - 2007-01-02
Halloween - 2006-10-30
She has definately has some sort of impact - 2006-09-25
Her very last entry... This is my very first... - 2006-09-19
My goodbye - 2006-05-03
">my my my... - 2004.12.05

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