my lovely present of a gold membership is almost up. i might fix that myself. the e-mail i got from diaryland said that i have 30.99 days left of it. so, will all the nice things that i have with this gold membership go away? that would suck, but, as soon as i open up an account with a stupid bank once and again, i am sure that i will learn this whole renewal thing.

when ever i get time to think i keep on picturing trent crying when he was watching me walk down the "aisle" on our wedding. maybe it was just emotional. yes, i did cry. i did a father daughter dance. and then a brother sister dance. the men in my life had to give me away. and if mum was here i would do a mother daughter dance too.

that was the horrible thing about my wedding day. mum wasn't there to get me ready. she wasn't there to tell me "if you want to keep you man, keep him happy in bed" or anything a mum would say to her daughter while getting ready for the big day. but, i did feel that she was there. for some reason, i just did. i sure felt that freddie was there also. not only were his close friends, but i think he was there too. they gave me this wonderful gift. they gave me these silk bed sheets. they said that freddie would have loved to give something sexy for a wedding gift. lol. his friends know him best.

we had to keep our vows really short. not only were we talking a little on the fast side, but i was also a little on the anxious side. so, i was speaking fast.

his vows to me were, "when i first met you there was something different about you that no other girl had. i think what was different was what attracted me to you so fast. after hours and hours of thinking what was so different, it finally came to mind what it was. it was that you have this big heart. you care for others when they don't care about themselves. you help people when they can't help themselves.you push people out of your way when someone falls to help them up and make sure that they are doing ok. best of all, when someone is feeling like they are alone, you do anything to prove to them that they are loved and they are not alone. i know that because i am the one that you helped this whole way. i love you."

of course his seems more lovelier than mine.

"trent came at very bad timing. real bad timing. i was just diagnosed. i had gotten out of many bad relationships. i was just getting off this horrible drug addiction. i was tired of living my life. you've seen me during horrible times. you've stuck by my side during all those horrible times. someone sure has to be strong to stick with me during those times. i thought that if someone can stick with me like that, then this must be really something. we sure hit bumps and sharp turns, but we stuck with each other during the whole time. i have never accomplished that with anyone. that was the second sign that this was going to be it. i don't know what i would be doing at this point without you. thank you."

that was it.

a lot of people were crying. if you looked closely you could see the tears almost freeze to their face.

vegas is sure keeping trent and i entertained.

past or present

New Years - 2007-01-02
Halloween - 2006-10-30
She has definately has some sort of impact - 2006-09-25
Her very last entry... This is my very first... - 2006-09-19
My goodbye - 2006-05-03
">vows - 2005-01-04

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