i figure i have to come clean about my life. i am someone who runs away from problems. either i drink exssessively, i do drugs until i cant tell who i am anymore, or i simply just run away.
a few nights ago i was talking to matt. while drinking. i wasn't feeling my best that day. i don't remember anything. anyway from what i have been told matt had said the "n" word. if you don't know what i am talking about, its a racial slur for a black person.
anyway, he said it. i over reacted. i remember grabbing a bottle of vodka and running to the beach but anything other than that, i have no recollection of.
i have never ever loved that word. i've hardly ever used it. the only way i have used it was to describe why i don't like it. anyway, the guy who killed mum was black. and in court when our lawyer asked him why he did it, he said "i do what every nigger does. i shoot for fun."
anyway, whenever i hear or see that word it brings bak old memories. i just don't know why i overreacted when matt had said it. but i was almost drunk anyway.
anyway, i ran to the beach. i woke up with cops trying to wake me up. i had blood all over me. the vodka bottle was empty, and it was crazy.
so, anyway, i tried in my best american accent ever to tell them i lived somewhere else. and they took me to that house and the guy at the house said that i was his daughter. but i didn't get away easy. the guy called my dad and told him and i was taken home.
my arms and legs were cut up, i had a bad hangover, and i just wasnt in any kind of mood.
my question is how did i get those cuts? the bottle was in one peice. i had no knife with me. how did it happen?
when i got home my friend automatically put me in the shower to help me wake up a bit. what would i do without her? she put me in my bed and let me rest for a few and we talked when i woke up. i love her. what would i do without her?
my name is lucille, i have a problem.
One by One. Only the good die young. They're only flying to close to the sun. But life goes on, without you.New Years - 2007-01-02
Halloween - 2006-10-30
She has definately has some sort of impact - 2006-09-25
Her very last entry... This is my very first... - 2006-09-19
My goodbye - 2006-05-03
">i run away - 2004-09-06
 |
 |