the party was great! it was superb. however, while no one was looking in slipped off the band wagon, shot up, and caught up with the band wagon and hopped right back on. i am not a good candidate for being an ex-heroine user. i swear and promise that is my last time.

i do get support and all. but, i suppose that i have been a little depressed from the "i can't wait untill you come back from england because we can talk again"'s and "i miss you"'s because... i don't know. maybe they just aren't authentic. and if the whole fiance thing is artificial i am screwed over because i have missed so many chances of having sex like a mad woman. so many people have asked me to be with them. so many have asked me on a date. so many have asked me for a one night stand. i have lost all chances because i said i was taken. then it soon became i am engaged. and everyone now knows that i am engaged. i wonder if any of his friends know. this is the only relationship i have been truely commited to. is this real? is this a dream? if it is i am a silly person falling for silly unreal love.

i don't say this to make anyone angry. i say it because it is the way i feel at the moment. this journal is the only way i can keep my feelings open.

i am sorry for all the things that i have done in that past that no one approves of. i am sorry that i make so many people unhappy. i am sorry for being the way that i am. i am sorry for being me.

the blood stain on my rug i got when i went to a flea market, looks like the state florida. :/ . im sure oxyclean will get it out before anyone notices right? lora noticed and told me she would talk to me about it later on the way to school tomorrow... or today rather.

past or present

New Years - 2007-01-02
Halloween - 2006-10-30
She has definately has some sort of impact - 2006-09-25
Her very last entry... This is my very first... - 2006-09-19
My goodbye - 2006-05-03
">what a great party, so much for that support that i was supposed to get - 2004.09.20

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