so, i have talked to many people about this problem. I AM IMPATIENT. i need to hear from matt or else i just might die. not literally. they all told me i should give it atleast one more week. and if i dont hear anything then, it was a a hoax. fish lips told me i should have just let go of it when i didn't hear from matt on my birthday.
im heart broken. anything that i have said that was mean in the past, i meant it. i am just impatient. and maybe i should just go against the doctors orders and fly over to arizona. something unexpected. but i'll do it. the doctor said that if i am put under anymore stress that i probably wont make it.
anyway, last night i spent in the ER. lora and i had a little party and we both got drunk. lora was out for a walk and i should have gone with her. anyway, there were two real big guys started messing with her. they must have been football players. anyway, i heard it down the street. she wasnt far. and i certainly wasnt drunk enough because i remember a lot. it was like i was watching myself.
anyway, i heard lora scream. it was like a bloody scream. the only scream you could hear in a horror movie. so i went looking for her and these huge guys were pushing on her and trying to take her with them. i saw it so i pushed lora to the floor and i started defending lora. lora had called the cops by that time.
i grew up in a bad area of england. it was nice, but the crime was high. so, i always carry a knife with me.
anyway, these guys started beating the crap out of me. it was the first time this has ever happened to me. plus, i am weak. i am not supposed to be up and running and i am not supposed to do anything that could cause me to get hurt.
i had time to grab my knife and i stabbed one in the arm and that was when they started running off. i dropped the knife, and the cops were right around the corner and they started chasing those two guys. an ambulance came for me and lora. we told the cops our story, they believed us. they only gave us a warning on our drunkeness. lora was bruised. i didn't even look at myself. i am only 110 pounds, they could have done anything to me.
so i get to the hospital and i am immediately rushed to the back. i had bruising and a bruised rib. no scratches or cuts. which is good because i am not supposed to loose any blood.
they got the guys. they are in jail. i am most certainly not in trouble for stabbing one because i was defending myself.
fish lips was with me the whole time. he is definately one good friend. in his next life he should be something higher up. he should have everything that he wants.
anyway, i am pooped. i think that i might take a nap.
matt, if you ever read this and haven't talked to me yet, you can just simply call lora's celly. if i am not with her she will certainly tell you how i am.
you know, if mum was here, i think that i wouldn't have any problems with any thing. no love problems, no health problems, no problems at all.... i miss mum a lot.
-mother lyrics by pink floyd with a little change from me.
mother do you think he's good enough-- for me.
mother do you think he's dangerous -- to me?
mother will he tear your little girl apart?
mother will he break my heart?
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Halloween - 2006-10-30
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Her very last entry... This is my very first... - 2006-09-19
My goodbye - 2006-05-03
">waiting for love - 2004.09.28
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